Mia Elizabeth Newman

Coping with aging can be challenging. Difficult situations or stressors will always be a part of life. We can accept this and understand the role effective coping skills have in keeping our lives manageable.

How we cope or respond to stressful events can be helpful or unhelpful. Our ability to cope is influenced a number of factors. Important ones include: how realistically do you think, do you see the facts clearly and can you admit to having problems. (Tanner and Ball). Unhelpful and ineffective coping strategies can become part of the problem and not part of the solution.. As we age there can be increased anxiety and our thinking processes can become slower.

Questions to ask in a difficult situation are ‘am I coping? can I manage my feelings, thoughts and behaviours with this situation?’ Be aware if you are not coping. Give yourself permission to be honest and feel vulnerable. Often we don’t want to see there is a problem. If our lives have become unmanageable then we are not coping.

Learning to develop effective coping skills will improve our resilience and confidence. It takes time to make changes and adapt to the demands of aging. My struggles to build effective coping skills is something I have found difficult. I have a level of disability. My family of origin and formative years were highly dysfunctional and I experienced severe trauma and abuse. I did not learn basic life skills. I can be highly reactive under severe stress and avoid problems My coping mechanism has been withdrawal. My healing process has been through awareness and psychotherapy to learn effective behaviours. This has taken time and I have learned to be compassionate with myself. I can still have the beginnings of a mini melt down. I recognise this. I write down the facts and journal for my feelings. I will sometimes talk to a therapist or trusted friend to put the situation into perspective. Simple coping strategies are an essential part of positive aging and self respect.

We may not always be able to cope. That is the nature of the human condition. We can learn and then start to thrive, to build positive experiences into our daily lives. I wish that for you in your journey into aging.