Attitudes are learned responses. We have a tendency to evaluate situations, people and ourselves in a certain way. We can be positive, negative, neutral or ambivalent. We have beliefs and assumptions which consciously or unconsciously influence us and our behaviour. When you are having difficulties, ask yourself, is my attitude the problem? It is easy with aging to adopt an inflexible position. We may not realize we are doing it.

If attitudes are so important, how do we develop them? Attitude development comes from parents, school, society, media and important others. Family of origin is a powerful influence. In our house mostly negativity prevailed. I remember beliefs that were expressed over and over again. One that still stays with me is ‘you make your bed you lie on it’. It reflected an inflexible approach that if you make a decision that doesn’t work out, change is not possible and the result is harsh judgment. It was always stated as a fact set in stone. I now understand for my parents to change their attitude would challenge them and feel like a loss of control.

Changing attitudes involves awareness, a willingness to change and patience. Viktor Frankl writing from his experiences in an Auschwitz concentration camp said ‘Every thing can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given sense, to choose one’s own way.’ Carlson reinforces this, ‘whenever we are dealing with bad news, a difficult person, or a disappointment of some kind, most of us get into certain habits, ways of reacting to life’. We can learn to replace reaction with putting the issue into perspective then acting.

The most important attitude is the one you have toward yourself. This can be internalised from significant others, firstly parent figures. We can also interpret other’s responses toward us and it may not be accurate. A decision to be aware and heal our attitude toward ourself is an important part of self development , self respect and self compassion. A journal is a helpful tool for self discovery and to begin, small changes in your most important attitudes is recommended. We are not perfect and all of us have to embrace the human condition.

Mental health issues have been part of my life journey. I have worked successfully with a number of excellent health professionals. Imagine my surprise when recently in my late seventies I developed serious anxiety attacks and trauma flashbacks. I faced deep emotional pain and had to accept a diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder. I

have moved through this surprising event, understood the triggers and learned new coping strategies. Dr Kristin Neff’s ‘Self Compassion, the proven power of being kind to yourself’, is an excellent in depth self help book. I also found it useful to watch her on you tube. Self compassion is an important practice I now have to embrace daily.

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